I want it all

Post written by Orsolya Hernold

School started three weeks ago and I started to work for a training company. It is great to be at trainings, designing the learning process and watching the participants get closer to themselves. It is also exhausting–the preparation, the long days of undivided attention, the alertness to be able to react to new circumstances (like a broken pipe flooding the training room). The beginning of a school year is also demanding: finding the best extra-curriculum activities, getting all the school stuff ready, meeting new teachers, parents, memorizing the names of kids. And I want to do all of it perfectly, as always. Result: I burst into tears last week when I found out I need to cram into my already overstretched schedule a drop-in to the post office.

What now?

Okay, there was self-pity first, then I forced myself to have an empty and idle morning, only then came writing. If I want it all, let’s see it all.

What do I want?

I want to be an entrepreneur. An entrepreneur who supports people in their self-development and makes a decent income to create freedom. I want to build my own company, right now I think it will be about journals and promoting journaling–but I am open to other learning related topics, too.

I want to learn and develop myself constantly. I just bought a pile of children’s books that are written as journals. My preparation for trainings involves a lot of learning as well.

I want to keep and nourish my relationship with my partner, Zoli. The past 10 years created a solid foundation and hope to realize my vision of growing old together. I want to spend time with him more often, go out, travel, learn a new dance together.

I want to have healthy, emotionally stable, confident children. I want to provide them healthy food, plenty of experiences and challenges, undivided attention and time every day. I want to show them examples of conflict resolution, healthy lifestyle, values I believe in, creating a loving home.

I want to keep myself healthy and fit. I want to eat freshly prepared food with lots of veggies, experiment with international cuisine. I want to jog and do yoga each 3 times a week. I want to sleep well and be rested.

I want to be able to be idle, accept unproductivity and just be sometimes.

I want to be living in a cozy and self-cleaning home that fulfills all the needs of our family.

I want to have my own garden where I grow veggies and herbs and have a place to experiment with planting.

I want to look good, have nice clothes on, put makeup on, paint my nails. I want to go shopping for new clothes.

I want to keep in touch with friends, go out with them and talk for hours.

I want to read books, watch movies, go to the theater and concerts, be exposed to art.

I want to live in a new country, again–nothing specific yet, just a longing for the experience. I want my children to go to school in a different culture, to do bike trips along seashores, to learn a new language from locals.


Well, I cannot have it all. My life is designed that the periods coincide when I have small kids, an important relationship to take care of, energy and experience to start something new, a body and mind that can be still loaded with learning and work. Can all these have a harmonious coexistence in my life? My answer is no. What is yours?



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