How can I possibly endure the loss of my father?

Post written by Orsolya Hernold

I have a friend who was between life and death in the hospital a couple months ago. The only thing I could do is to pray for her and her family.

Last year I lost my father. I watched him get smaller and weaker each day, and could not help. Felt powerless. Pitied myself that I am in pain and no one can help. There are those comforting lines about “it is the order of life” and “it will be better for him to leave” and “you have to move on with your life” that give no comfort. He left and there remained lots of unanswered questions: Why now? Why him? Could not he wait for me to prepare more? Did I do everything possible to keep him with us? What can I do with this unbearable feeling of loss? How can I endure the loss? Will it pass? How can I accept what happened and move on?

The belief in God can provide consolation, but questions still surface and echo in the emptiness – at night, when being alone. I did not find peace until I started writing – my own recipe for consolation.

I recalled the time when a love faded away years ago – my healing was writing. I sat at the airport (my flight being delayed) and wrote page after page. Everything without thinking what I was writing.

So again, I started to write about my father, our relationship, all the things he taught me, everything I am grateful for. It eased my pain.

If you experience loss, I encourage you to write. To give out. To give your pain to the paper or to your document. To distance from it. It might help. It is possible that it will not.

In either case, I am deeply sorry for your loss.


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