Why is everybody not like me?

Post written by Orsolya Hernold

People are different. Yes, nothing new in this sentence. Then why am I acting sometimes as if everybody is (or worse, should be) identical to me? I had an argument with Zoli the other day about a conflict at his workplace. I got mad at him for he was reluctant to do what I would do in his place – and I made those steps very clear, since I told him what to do.

I honked at a woman this morning who was taking a turn very slowly at a junction and commented on her ability to drive. I consider myself a good, dynamic driver and am usually patient with other, more cautious or less experienced drivers. Not this morning – at the junction today I expected every driver to drive as I do: valiantly with speed.

People are different. Yes, I know that, but many times I act as if the other person involved is just another Orsi. Thank God, that is not the case. People are different in their motives, their intentions, capabilities, qualities, hair style and eye color. In everything. At the same time we tend to assume the same motives, intention, capabilities and interests in others as we have. For myself, I am the center, the starting point and I view everyone around me from this perspective. That is perfectly fine, we cannot do otherwise – but it can create hardships in our relationships.


As I realized my good old way of slipping into “Zoli is just like me” state, my anger disappeared. He is a sovereign person, and he is able to handle his conflicts. He may ask for my advice, and listen to what I would do, but next time I will try to wait for this request before pouring my opinion on him.

People are different and everyone herself or himself has the most adequate capacity to solve her / his own problem. I can save much anger and frustration if I let go of my expectation of people behaving as I would behave.


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