Preparing with writing before speaking

Post written by Orsolya Hernold

Writing is my preparation tool in work: I make detailed mindmaps for projects, I literally write my introductory words for trainings, I enlist questions for interviews and coaching sessions. But writing has also helped me out in many personal situations so far.

I wrote a letter to my mom to thank her for being my mom and also my grievances of the past in our relationship – and then read it to her. I am very grateful for her for accepting my invitation and listening to my words.

I was in a remote relationship, deeply in love, but suffering from the distance. Once we spent a week together, and afterwards I sat down to write:  about our relationship, my feelings and thoughts, my pains and joys. I wrote without thinking, without censoring my words. Reading the pages later made me realize that I am not in love any more, and eased my parting.

I like to share with people my feelings – even if it is difficult. I wrestle with my feelings for a while, but I know accepting them and letting the other know about them is beneficial for both of us: I can speak from my heart and lift this weight of it, and the other may feel honored for opening up for her / him. I make it easier for myself by writing my words down beforehand, and have my notes handy when we talk. I already shared love, respect, but also disapproval this way.


Maybe you also use writing in your preparation for work. Have you tried to prepare for a conversation with your love? Or your friend? Or your parent? In case we are emotionally involved and are in a long-term relationship, we tend to fall back to the usual way of talking, which many times include the habit of oppressing our emotions instead of voicing them. Is this state satisfactory for you? Is there something you want the other to listen to? Then, prepare for your speech! You first might give the liberty for yourself just to write and keep those words for yourself. As a next step, you might send a letter – a real, paper letter by post. And if your self-confidence has become stronger, you might invite the other for a talk. Make sure to note your experiences!


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